you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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