Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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