if you like me you must not know who I am
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize
