Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
