when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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