There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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