ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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