Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
