So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
