maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize