Hey man sorry I got all grabby
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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