what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I want to be your penis for a week.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
