he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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