i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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