3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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