why do cheetos always look like penises
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
