I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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