so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Pants are for mortals
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
