so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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