So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I met the friendliest cop last night
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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