Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
