apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Dick very happy bro
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
