i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
