i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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