You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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