Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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