so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
