An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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