Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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