I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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