we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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