How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize