He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
