The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
