I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
