I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
