u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize