First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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