Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
