I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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