oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
