Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
