get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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