remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
When did angry sex become our thing?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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