Fuck appropriateness.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
