she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
