I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
