I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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