she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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