I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
