I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
