It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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