My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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