Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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