using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
