i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize