Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
