I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
