I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
