Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
