Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
