If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
