After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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