im so drunk with asians
where?
always
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
