NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
