Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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